As the calendar flips from fall to the holidays, anticipation may start to fill your home and heart—but not necessarily the good kind! While Thanksgiving and Christmas mean celebrations and big family meals, adorable school plays, and (maybe too) many sweets, they can also bring complicated relational dynamics, overstimulation, greed, and the trap of comparison. 

Scripture offers us abundant wisdom for every season, including the hubbub of the holidays. As parents and caregivers, we have the opportunity to shepherd children’s hearts through the chaos and cheer of the next few months. A little early-season preparation will go a long way toward having a peaceful, Jesus-centered holiday season. Here are a few ways Scripture can guide us:  

Keep Busyness In Its Proper Place 

Regardless of how you feel about the holidays, they are guaranteed to be one thing: busy. An overloaded calendar can lead to a constant feeling of frenzy for you, which trickles down into your kids. When everything feels “unmissable,” you have the opportunity to create a rhythm of rest around the holidays. At the beginning of the season, make a list of everything you could do. Then, as a family, set some guidelines for your calendar. These guidelines can be limits to how many nights a week you have events, or based on your budget, or letting each family member pick one special event and then saying “no” to the rest. And try not to over-commit to creating; kids won’t remember if you make homemade treats for every event or if you buy packaged cookies at the store. Ultimately, the best part of the holiday calendar is creating space for relationships to flourish and celebrating in community. Prioritize the people you get to spend time with, not the things you have to make or do. 

When Jesus spent time with the sisters Martha and Mary in Luke 10, he spoke to this very thing. Mary rests at Jesus’ feet, soaking in her time with Him. Martha rushes about preparing food, and complains to Jesus that Mary is not helping her. Jesus responds with, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion.” (Luke 10:41-42, ESV)

As you make your holiday plans this year, choose the good portion—time with Jesus and the people He has put into your life. 

Holiday Discipleship Tip: Find simple ways to incorporate faith-building into your Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. Read a Bible verse or stop to pray in the midst of fun activities. When we include spiritual practices within everything we do during the holidays, our kids are reminded that it’s all about Jesus!

Seek the Good of Your City and Neighbors 

During the holidays, we can be inundated with calls to help and serve those less fortunate. Rather than just giving money this year, try intentionally seeking the good of people in your city and neighborhood who need extra support. Involving your children in serving others during the holidays teaches them that Jesus calls us to love and give, not just receive. Research places to volunteer together, and try to find organizations in your community where you could serve regularly throughout the year—not just during the holidays! Spend time praying as a family about how you want to steward any year-end giving funds that you may have set aside. Before receiving new gifts, sort through old clothes and toys and donate those in good condition to local organizations that will give them to children in your city. 

1 John 3:16–18 (NIV) says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.”

Holiday Discipleship Tip: Pray about starting a new tradition of serving others in your community during the holiday season or even quarterly. Research shows that kids who serve with their families regularly are more likely to have a life-long walk with Jesus.

Prioritize Peace 

Your family probably isn’t perfect; in fact, relational tension often flares up at the holidays! And children can sense when things aren’t right. Maybe you’re nervous about political conversations at the dinner table or complicated parent-child relationships with older children or even adults. Colossians 3:12–14 (NIV) offers us wisdom for navigating these situations and more: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Prioritizing peace won’t be complete or easy, but modeling forgiveness, honesty, compassion, humility, and patience will go a long way toward shaping your children’s (and your!) heart in this season. It’s ok to mess up, to let an exasperated comment slip out or to step out of a heated room to take a deep breath. In fact, these moments of prioritizing peace and asking for the Lord’s presence will be incredible teaching moments for your children! 

Holiday Discipleship Tip: One of the most powerful ways we can model grace for our kids is to admit it when we need God’s help and when we mess up. Don’t be afraid to talk with your kids about some of the tension you may be feeling and how you are relying on God to help you show compassion and kindness when it’s hard.

Reframe Gift Giving

Toy catalogs began appearing in my mailbox well before October this year! I immediately threw them away, because this year we are trying so hard as a family to limit the consumerism and accumulation of stuff that happens during the holidays. Gift giving is a beautiful practice that reminds us of the best gift we could ever receive: the gift of Jesus. But when the gifts become the goal, the holidays can feel like a race to shop, find the best deal, buy, order, wrap, open, play, lose, and give away a few months later. Does that sound familiar? Rather than making lists of what they want to receive, ask your children to make a list of people they want to give a gift to. Then encourage them to make those gifts with supplies you have around the house! Writing a poem, drawing a picture, or baking cookies can all be wonderful ways to show love without purchasing and accumulating things. 

Paul reminds us in Acts 20:35 (NIV) that Jesus said, “‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Holiday Discipleship Tip: Consider adopting a limited, meaning-driven Christmas gift-giving strategy this year to help kids connect their gifts to the story of Jesus.

Focus on Jesus

I know it sounds cliche and it’s easier said than done in the midst of all of the holiday craziness, but it’s worth the reminder to bring our gaze back to the One we are celebrating in the first place. Even before the Advent and Christmas seasons dawn upon us, Thanksgiving is a time to share gratitude for all of the gifts He’s given us—both relational and material. When we start early in the season to intentionally focus all of our activities, conversations, and even the gifts we give, around Jesus, we communicate clearly to our kids that He truly is the reason for the season.

If peace and joy are our goals for the holiday season, we can only find them in Him. Isaiah 25:3 (NLT) says, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” When we focus on Jesus, He meets us with the gift of His presence, full of peace and joy, that will carry us through whatever we encounter this holiday season.

Holiday Discipleship Tip: Use a fun, meaning-filled resource like the Laugh and Grow Bible for Kids Family Advent Devotional and the Laugh and Grow Bible for Kids Christmas Special to keep your family focused on what truly matters this holiday season.

Written by Melanie Rainer